Today, cleaning up, packing up AJ's things into boxes to be put into the attic, I found this picture that Mimi made for him last week. She loved making him drawings and then taping them to the rotating mobile on his swing so they would move around as he swung.
The two (not great, but expressive nonetheless) drawings were quick sketches that I made in church two different Sundays. The one in pen of myself holding a broken earth was drawn with AJ sleeping peacefully on my lap.
The second one was drawn right after I took that pic of Jay holding AJ in church. These were my promises to him - I made many more... and will have to let them unfold naturally, but it seemed appropriate to share them. Maybe it's not, I'm not sure. But I know that I love that baby and the dark heart in the image of me walking him to the mountain (a symbol to me for the hardships of life that need to be climbed as we reach for God) is very much a reality this week. Though I didn't know that AJ would be taken from me less than 48 hours after I drew this, I had a sense in my soul that I couldn't ever hold him close enough, long enough or make him safe enough on my own.