Collages - on the subject of AJ

Per my earlier scanned drawings...

tonight, while J and I worked on some legal documentation of this whole situation, I kept my itchy fingers busy by giving them scissors, a glue stick and some catalogs that recently came through the mail slot. I was able to get out at least my thoughts and heart from the "mountain" drawing posted earlier... which felt really good.

I'm still amazed that after years of being so frustrated in art school and classes with paints and other mediums that my preferred medium boils down to catalogs, scissors and glue sticks. Very portable, though - and gratefully, I seem to always be satisfied with

the outcome of my time spent. I know I can get my heart out onto that paper. Here is my heart tonight.

The only way I can describe this is my heart (worn on the outside of my skin) for AJ as I wish so desperately that I could give him the love and protection he needs. The storms of life are so near and the dream of being a family is as well, but the future remains uncertain.

Libby Dibby Jewelry - it did exist once

I told you I made jewelry in a past life, right? Well, I found it all on time for the sale. It is utterly ridiculous how much there is. (oy vey) The circle photo below is the image of a necklace I made the other night... Trying to keep my hands busy so my mind and heart can process it all is totally my MO around here. This necklace was not "designed"... I literally scraped the bottom of of my unsorted bead boxes and came up with this. I've worn it the past two days. It feels therapeutic and also kind of "scrappy" to wear it. (plus it goes with everything). I'd forgotten how much I love to make jewelry... That was fun.

Mod Podge Strikes Again

I made this the other night for the sale, but now I don't want to part
with it after lighting the candle in it today...

Artwork for AJ

There will be more of this - more development of these thoughts for sure... and please pardon me as I grieve a little publicly. This blog is how I express myself and seems the most appropriate place to put my heart right now.

Today, cleaning up, packing up AJ's things into boxes to be put into the attic, I found this picture that Mimi made for him last week. She loved making him drawings and then taping them to the rotating mobile on his swing so they would move around as he swung.

The two (not great, but expressive nonetheless) drawings were quick sketches that I made in church two different Sundays. The one in pen of myself holding a broken earth was drawn with AJ sleeping peacefully on my lap.

The second one was drawn right after I took that pic of Jay holding AJ in church. These were my promises to him - I made many more... and will have to let them unfold naturally, but it seemed appropriate to share them. Maybe it's not, I'm not sure. But I know that I love that baby and the dark heart in the image of me walking him to the mountain (a symbol to me for the hardships of life that need to be climbed as we reach for God) is very much a reality this week. Though I didn't know that AJ would be taken from me less than 48 hours after I drew this, I had a sense in my soul that I couldn't ever hold him close enough, long enough or make him safe enough on my own.

This is how I am coping

I spent the morning playing with AJ and wearing him in the sling as I killed the waiting time by preparing for Saturday's backyard sale. Tonight I pulled out all the jewelry from days of old... (4 years ago!) and set it up too... (pics tomorrow)... Then Tif came over and we engaged in some Mod Podge Therapy (thanks, Amy!) and laughed and dished about Twilight like two teenagers while J medicated himself with some "so you think you can dance"... I'm glad this weekend's sale
is happening. It's keeping me moving.

can't find the words, but the picture says a lot

We took this a few hours ago. AJ is already in his new (temporary) home. On days like today, I am glad that I was able to deal with another grief a few years ago by making the print that hangs over our fireplace.
I've put it here below. Feel free to download it and distribute it as you see fit.

P.S. keeping it real... this is not to say that we aren't livid, hurt, devastated, and doing everything within our power to fight for AJ's rights to a loving family and NOT to be destined to a life poorly lived within the foster care system. We're on record saying that we desperately want to adopt him and will do anything we can for HIM to have a smooth transition... we've offered to babysit him whenever possible, and have been given permission to stay in his life at least a little now. We believe he is worth all the pain. He is a perfect, innocent child who is at the mercy of a broken system. We have hundreds of emotions swirling around in our hearts - the only thing that we know how to do, though, in this type of pain - is to count on the fact that

"GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING. EVEN IN THIS"

AJ - an update

Here is a beautiful pic of AJ and J in church on Sunday. I didn't know that this would be a final Sunday for us with him when I took it. We were pretty sure that we had AJ at least until February. We got a call today that told us to move him to another foster home nearby, where two half siblings are staying temporarily. We are heartbroken. I drop him off tomorrow. Please pray for us, but even moreso, pray for him. He is a victim of a lot of brokenness, both in his family of origin and the state that he lives in. This will be AJ's 6th foster home.

Yardsale Invitations

I sent this out to the friends that are on the evite for this weekend's event. If you are interested in coming to the First Ever Upscale Backyard Sale... let me know and I'll pass on the details...

and yes, I am paying the sales tax (9.75%) and there's no shipping, so this is a great deal!

like the graphic above says, bring a friend, and you'll get a little thank you treat from me!

Keeping busy... Upscale yardsale prep

This week is my backyard sale! That means that I'm working every spare minute on fun little stuff for it! Today's project was lots of my favorite "scrap-books"... I love mine so much, everyone needs to have these! Now about 16 more people get to enjoy them now too...

Did you see this too?

The most recent anthropologie catalog about sent me into cardiac arrest when I saw this page...(oh, and many others!)... My new crafty, knotty, quilty, designy neighbor mommy pal, icole, emailed me... "have you seen page 17 yet???" and sent me a link.

I believe a red/brown/pink/orange/green version is in my future. (as soo nas I build up the nerve and catch up a little on sleep... Maybe it's a project for January, my favorite month)

Nicole's email was so funny that I had to post it here. (my points exactly)

"Didn't get past that page last night. The syncronicity of it short circuted my brain:) just looking through it now and there are more quilts and knit chevron throws and crocheted amiguri ornimemts. Not to mention all the pretty clothes, shoes and bags. Damn recession."