Monday, January 30, 2012

Re•joy - indulgence. (just be)

I was taught not to be super self indulgent. I was taught that I need to see the pain in the world and do something about it. I was taught that it's okay to enjoy good things, but to hold them lightly. I was taught that I should give freely because I have received freely. I was taught to be the change I wanted to see. These are GOOD things to internalize.
But sometimes we need to rest. And as a child, I saw rest modeled, too, but I'm naturally a work-horse. I don't stop just because something hurts. I almost never rest. Which means that it's hard to take time to heal. It's actually becoming a bit of a discipline for me - to check in with myself and say, "libby, you need to just BE". Not be productive, proactive or prolific. Just be.
This weekend was so good for that for me... I laughed till I cried, I made things, but I also got to have silence and moments of my feet in the grass at sunrise.
Today I pulled over at a coffee house with a shady brick patio and had a scone and some soup in the shade - instead of racing home to get life in order after my weekend away. It's hard to indulge myself this way, but I'm trying to practice the art of resting.
After this weekend away, I feel better than I have in a year. Why? Because I relaxed more than I can remember in a long time. Not striving or pushing myself to be anything other than who I am in that exact moment. How often do we do that?
Not enough.
So I'm doing it now. And then I'll go home and put my sweats back on and get back to work. But for now, I'm here.

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