Thursday, July 24, 2008

inspiration point

Today, I made some time for me.
Which is good, because no one is really going to force me to take it on my own, usually when I have a free afternoon - I get errands done... but not today.

Today, I drove to the top of Palos Verdes, to where I spent ages 11-19... and I soaked in the sun and the ocean and the breeze and views. It was amazing.

I was flooded - with so many memories and images over those hills and over those years. Since my parents moved away, we don't really get back there very often - and therefore, I forget easily how beautiful it is up there...
I wrote this while sitting on a rock on this overlook, I don't usually get this deep on my blog, but it seems fun to share this:

So here I am.
an adult. comfortable.
in both my grace and my disgrace
wearing the calmer version of my skin

sitting on the hill of my adolescence
overlooking the sea of memories
the landmarks of my past
my formation
my awkward youth

wondering how getting here could have
possibly involved so much angst
so much self torture
when I had thousands of moments
in lonely (lovely) silence
with nothing on this hilltop but me and this wind

I thought I hated this mountain
but I see now I was hewn from it
I really just hated my self
(oh dark, little fool)

in reality - I was formed here
with the ever present breezes
and the natural smell of dirt and chapparal

there is the memory of burning
both in me and on this canyontop
and we are both more beautiful for it

we are sadder
but we are wiser (and deeper)
and we understand BEAUTY
and the JOY of season

the beach where I imagined myself as queen
lies silent below me on this perch
and the castle remains there
with its promises of my future
prophesies that did come true
(I had no idea)

and through all my wanderings,
my adventures and mishaps,
my snowstorms and deserts,
my encounters with death and partnerships with life...
this rock has been here, never changing,
while the world spins around it

I believe this may be the center of the world.
or maybe just my own.

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