Re•Joy - jan 13 - 77 degrees and snowy

After school yesterday, we got a text from a neighbor... "we have snow on our front yard! Come sledding!" I happened to have one extra pair of pants in the car for Mimi, and z just wore his shorts, but we trucked over the 5 blocks and the kids sledded to their hearts' content. Mimi's BFF Tina was with us and had never seen snow before...

I remember seeing a commercial when I was a kid of a family in LA buying snow for their front yard, but how many kids actually ever have that happen???

WIP - timeline quilt

WIP - timeline quilt, a photo by libby dibby on Flickr.

It's rare to start and finish a quilt top in one day, but this one is an idea I have been sketching versions of in my journal for months.
I'm not sure I love it as a quilt, but if I look at it as expressive artwork in the form of a quilt... It says exactly what I wanted it to say.

I'll likely hand quilt it... Keep you posted...

Re. Joy - Jan 12 - working it out

I've been outside a lot. Reading. Soaking up sunshine. Thinking. Journaling.
Today was beautiful outside, but I spent it inside. I took my tools and went to my dad's design studio to use a room in his building that was once offered to me as a studio. It's quiet there. Lots of natural light, clean floor space and a great table. A room of my own.
Today I sewed for most of my day - other than having lunch with both of my parents. I was hoping to find a way in fabric to express this chaos I have walked through.

This piece is big and jarring to look at. That was intended. It's stressful looking. Also intended. It's dissonant. It's an unsolved question. It's hard to figure out how to place it properly. But, it's only a piece of the puzzle. Only a section of a larger whole. It's quite cathartic, too. Now I will work with it's placement into context.
I have to also look at my personal circumstances. As chaotic and inexplicable as they may be, they have to somehow become placed into context. They are not the big picture. They are just a piece of a big picture. I'm knee deep in fallout now, but I know there will be a bigger, more
peaceful framework around this later. And given some breathing room, it won't hurt as much as it does now.

Re-building joy - Jan 11

Jan 11. I spent it with my dear friend (and maid of honor, 12 years ago!), Amy. Ironically, Amy lives in Thailand, but passes through LA a couple times a year and as such, I see her more than any other long-distance friend of mine. She always seems to be passing through during big events... She was here the day after Z was born, the day after G arrived... So many amazing moments.
We spent the morning on a hike in Bronson canyon. (you can see the Hollywood sign behind us in that photo we took of ourselves)... It was quiet, and we laughed remembering a lot of hikes together over the years. Hikes during college in Malibu, which often took pause by trees as I sketched or took photos and Amy spread out her homework....

Hikes we've taken together in Idaho, Israel (daily home through a forest, from the archeological dig we worked on for a summer), and in Thailand when I visited her...
If there is one person in the world that I know how to be quiet with, it's Amy.

She texted this morning, saying she wished she had the right words to say. But the people I am enjoying the most right now are not the ones trying to be encouraging, finding the right things to say. The most safe people I have found now are the ones who admit that they are at a loss for words and are willing to allow the silence and unfinished sentences and unanswered questions to be a part of our encounter.
Those are the people that I am surrounding myself with these days. Those are the friends I am having lunch with. And I love them for that.
I love a friend who knows that sometimes silent presence or willingness to walk into my pain and confusion is the best thing they can offer.
You all know who you are. You friends who have emailed with me, texted, hugged, shed tears, left cookies on my porch, mailed little packages, all of it. I am surviving because I know you are not afraid of my pain. You aren't trying to fix anything or say the right thing and you love me right where I am at.

Re-building joy - Jan 10

I spent the first 23 years of my life within 5 miles of the beach. Then I moved to Chicago for 5 years and now we live about 10 miles inland and there are weeks I go without seeing the ocean. Today's little tiny sliver of ocean was a part of a peaceful day in Santa Monica - which started with tea and scones with a precious friend in a new favorite tea room and moved on to a day spent redeeming a gift certificate at a spa. I snuggled into a robe and read a book by the enclosed outdoor fireplace. It was quiet today. I thought of about 9 other things I wanted to do and intentionally cut them out.
My carpool partner and I were chatting this morning and she was holding me accountable, saying "are you making sure to not get distracted and waste your precious hours?" I told her, yes, I'm literally writing these events into my calendar and doing my chores and obligations around them. We all know that intentional time for our souls is so easy to give away to the things that speak louder... Kids, meals, laundry, a neighbor needing emergency babysitting. These things all are still happening. But in being intentional in joy-building, I'm making sure that I don't ignore myself. Or little slivers of the ocean that are still there, even when I'm not.

Rebuilding joy - January 9

Yesterday our pastor read a beautiful prayer by Thomas Merton that I copied into my journal this morning during some quiet time.

 After my appt with my therapist today, I went to Barnsdall Art Park and sat barefoot on a wall in the sunshine overlooking Los Angeles and Hollywood.

Time to be quiet. Time to think... Today my therapist said that as things calm down in life I will also find that pain percolates to the surface... Because my heart and brain are finding safe moments to release it. I think of the cement stepping stone Mimi and I made this weekend. We mixed it up really well and then as things settled, I showed her how tapping on the edges, there will be air bubbles that come to the surface.  "see, we didn't know that was in there. And it would have made your stone weaker, but now it's out. And it will be stronger."

Time to be quiet... I so wish I could heal quickly, in a microwave maybe. But there are some things that seem to have to cure naturally, in fresh air and sunshine... Like cement. And broken hearts.

Mimi's fabric collage

Mimi's fabric collage, a photo by libby dibby on Flickr.

It took over our living room for two days. Mimi was a hard worker and even got everyone in the on the act at some point as she cut and glued through my scrap bag. The finished project is about 4'x6' and now is proudly hanging in her bedroom above her bed.
She worked on it between making a cement stepping stone and knotting a fleece pillow. The girl is a crafting machine...(can't imagine where she got that from, I wish my day were as fun as hers!)

Treat mail

I think mail is one of my most favorite things in the world. I think I once confessed to J that every time I look for the mail, I harbor a secret hope that there will be a box on the porch, wrapped tight with a pink or red satin ribbon. I honestly wouldn't care what was in the box, but I have so much joy over mail coming to my door... Well, today brought a pretty painted box from a high school friend... Inside was a poem and this super pretty hair clip (I love me a sparkly flower for my hair!) it feels good to be remembered.
...Thanks, Shanno, I super appreciate the love...

Rebuilding Joy - January 7

Mimi woke up today wanting to "make a poster". To her that means fabric collages made by raiding Momma's scrap bags and creating a scene on a big piece of canvas.
I offered to help her once it's finished... To anchor the pieces down with some machine stitches. She politely declined. "no thank you. I want it to look completely kid-made."

Color scheme happiness

Not a ton to report in the " re-building" category today... I did get a haircut, which meant I was treated well by my awesome hairstylist... and I ran a number of errands. (not inspiring)
But I did come home to a package of fabric from a friend, and that's always great. She'd offered to cut the fabric for me with her accuquilt cutter and I sent her fat quarters from a color scheme I'd been wanting to explore. I mailed it out on Tuesday and by Friday, this beautiful pile came back!
She even added in three fabrics from her own stash as an added present.
I've been wanting to play with tumblers for a while, so this will be a fun project to pursue.