Re-building joy - Jan 10

I spent the first 23 years of my life within 5 miles of the beach. Then I moved to Chicago for 5 years and now we live about 10 miles inland and there are weeks I go without seeing the ocean. Today's little tiny sliver of ocean was a part of a peaceful day in Santa Monica - which started with tea and scones with a precious friend in a new favorite tea room and moved on to a day spent redeeming a gift certificate at a spa. I snuggled into a robe and read a book by the enclosed outdoor fireplace. It was quiet today. I thought of about 9 other things I wanted to do and intentionally cut them out.
My carpool partner and I were chatting this morning and she was holding me accountable, saying "are you making sure to not get distracted and waste your precious hours?" I told her, yes, I'm literally writing these events into my calendar and doing my chores and obligations around them. We all know that intentional time for our souls is so easy to give away to the things that speak louder... Kids, meals, laundry, a neighbor needing emergency babysitting. These things all are still happening. But in being intentional in joy-building, I'm making sure that I don't ignore myself. Or little slivers of the ocean that are still there, even when I'm not.

Rebuilding joy - January 9

Yesterday our pastor read a beautiful prayer by Thomas Merton that I copied into my journal this morning during some quiet time.

 After my appt with my therapist today, I went to Barnsdall Art Park and sat barefoot on a wall in the sunshine overlooking Los Angeles and Hollywood.

Time to be quiet. Time to think... Today my therapist said that as things calm down in life I will also find that pain percolates to the surface... Because my heart and brain are finding safe moments to release it. I think of the cement stepping stone Mimi and I made this weekend. We mixed it up really well and then as things settled, I showed her how tapping on the edges, there will be air bubbles that come to the surface.  "see, we didn't know that was in there. And it would have made your stone weaker, but now it's out. And it will be stronger."

Time to be quiet... I so wish I could heal quickly, in a microwave maybe. But there are some things that seem to have to cure naturally, in fresh air and sunshine... Like cement. And broken hearts.

Mimi's fabric collage

Mimi's fabric collage, a photo by libby dibby on Flickr.

It took over our living room for two days. Mimi was a hard worker and even got everyone in the on the act at some point as she cut and glued through my scrap bag. The finished project is about 4'x6' and now is proudly hanging in her bedroom above her bed.
She worked on it between making a cement stepping stone and knotting a fleece pillow. The girl is a crafting machine...(can't imagine where she got that from, I wish my day were as fun as hers!)

Treat mail

I think mail is one of my most favorite things in the world. I think I once confessed to J that every time I look for the mail, I harbor a secret hope that there will be a box on the porch, wrapped tight with a pink or red satin ribbon. I honestly wouldn't care what was in the box, but I have so much joy over mail coming to my door... Well, today brought a pretty painted box from a high school friend... Inside was a poem and this super pretty hair clip (I love me a sparkly flower for my hair!) it feels good to be remembered.
...Thanks, Shanno, I super appreciate the love...

Rebuilding Joy - January 7

Mimi woke up today wanting to "make a poster". To her that means fabric collages made by raiding Momma's scrap bags and creating a scene on a big piece of canvas.
I offered to help her once it's finished... To anchor the pieces down with some machine stitches. She politely declined. "no thank you. I want it to look completely kid-made."

Color scheme happiness

Not a ton to report in the " re-building" category today... I did get a haircut, which meant I was treated well by my awesome hairstylist... and I ran a number of errands. (not inspiring)
But I did come home to a package of fabric from a friend, and that's always great. She'd offered to cut the fabric for me with her accuquilt cutter and I sent her fat quarters from a color scheme I'd been wanting to explore. I mailed it out on Tuesday and by Friday, this beautiful pile came back!
She even added in three fabrics from her own stash as an added present.
I've been wanting to play with tumblers for a while, so this will be a fun project to pursue.

Rebuilding Joy - Jan 4

I couldn't pic which photo was prettier, so you get both.
The lemon tree in the backyard is going crazy with lemons. Its not a big tree, but it is mighty fruitful.
I'm busy digging up recipes for lemon chicken, lemon cake, lemon everything.... I've been drinking fresh lemonade every day.
These smell just as good as they look. I swear, the sunshine makes them smell better too.

Rebuilding Joy - Jan 3

I took the kids for a hike in Bronson Canyon. Southern California can be weird with weather... The summers are often cold and gloomy, but we always have some strange weeks in January and February that have winter light, but hot summer weather. It was 80degrees this day and we breathed in deep and heard the silence of the canyons underneath the famous "HOLLYWOOD" sign.
This tree in particular caught my attention. The patterning on its trunk blew my mind.

Re-Building Joy

Someone recently posted this laughing photo of me at a wedding on Facebook. It's a fun pic, but the day I saw it, I got really sad. I cried. The photo had been taken 365 days earlier and I felt so far from that huge laugh after the past year. The two pics on the right are pics from this week... I'm still able to smile and appreciate moments and laugh and dance and sing, but I'm clawing my way out of a lot of pain and definitely don't have that depth of joy and hope that is so evident in the first pic.
I've started to go to a counselor. This week I told her that I was setting aside Jan 1- Feb 29 (my leap year birthday) to try and focus on doing things that will heal me and feed my heart. I am planning on finding at least one thing a day that will be a healing activity. She loved that idea and spoke to me about "Building Joy" back into my life. She pointed out that unless I am filled, my family will remain wounded.
I was unable to write many details about what was happening this past year, but you know it was hard. The real reason I quit making those hand-stamped charms was that my hands shook so hard that I could no longer make them. I cried over so many charms as they sat ruined on my desk and decided it was time to give it up.... That's only a sliver of where I've been. But that is then. And this is now. And...
IT IS MOST DEFINITELY TIME TO REBUILD JOY.
I've decided to lightly chronicle this journey here on my blog, since you readers have been so encouraging to me all along... You are invited to read along, view my pics and breathe in a little deeper with me as I do my best to come back to laughter and spend these days "Re-building Joy". I have no idea what to expect, but I do know that I'm being very intentional about this.
I hope you don't mind.

Mini quilts

Mini quilts, a photo by libby dibby on Flickr.

Some people call them "mug rugs" or "mini quilts", maybe they are potholders. Or trivets. Or doll quilts. Whatever they are, they were called "UFO"s (as in "UnFinished Objects") around here until last night.
I have about 15 different projects on my mental to-do list and have been feverishly working to finish that hand-quilting on the paper pieced quilt... But I've been doing it so long that I've missed my sewing machine. I literally haven't touched it in weeks. As I was giving a neighbor a sewing lesson on her new sewing machine yesterday, I began missing my own machine.
So last night, I put away the hand quilting for the night and tried to clear the ironing board of its stack of UFOs. First on the list were the rest of the Christmas ornaments (about 20 were half-started) - and then there were these.
By the end of the night, there was a little sense of accomplishment, some pretty (useful) things to look at and two less things in my way as I look into my creative plans for 2012.